Recap

 

Salam Alaykum

As we approach summer Solstice, time to reflect on the doings and matters of the Southside Carrom League thus far in 2023.

The Mezzanine at Linen 1906 has been a remarkable success: regular meets on Thursdays; multiple boards set up (including the Tim Board); garnering new players and making friends; the introduction of Carrooka; the 2-4-1 burger deal (7-9pm), Fraser's dug and the now legend meet when that wee Indian burd Bobby skelped many of us. Much respect to Paul McCole and to James Young for setting and keeping the Mezz fire burning.

Respect also to Stu Thomson who often shows up at the Mezz after work to get a couple of games in before having to go up the road 'cos his missus has phoned him while he is at a board asking when he'll be up the road with a chinky.

Springtime saw Bruce play left-handed following a radial fracture of his dominant wrist. His average scores were unchanged. Those he beat whilst left-handed were gracious in defeat. And who can forget that meet when Fraser's dug drank some water, ate a chicken-bite, sat up at a board and posted a 4 point win against Stephen? Absolute scenes.

The much anticipated match between Jim Muir and Paul McCole was twice postponed: Muir cited "family commitments" and then "social anxiety." Carrom-watchers believe that Muir is a shitebag. The blog reached out to Paul via WhatsApp. His reply was stark, "I'm here every Thursday, big man.."

Two dancers showed up one night in March on the mezz. They dance with Scottish Ballet. Fraser gives massage to them and their colleagues. Does homers and everything. My father was a maintenance electrician at the Hoover factory in Cambuslang.

AI could destroy carrom. The Elders will recall that during Covid lockdown, we kept the spirit alive by playing a digital version of the sport. It may be that our enthusiasm is our downfall. Coders have now built carrom systems where wood is superfluous and strikers/pieces are replaced by avatars and holograms of Tupac and Abba. John McManus states that this is "similar to the Soviet pogroms when ideology became more important than basic humanity."

Despite AI, despite postponements, broken limbs, burds phoning for a chinky and a dog posting four against Stephen, the SCL endures and thrives. 

Summerboard 2023 is on the July horizon.

 

 

 

 

Carooka debut marred by protests

 

Salam Alaykum

The public debut and addition of Carooka on the Linen 1906 mezzanine of the SCL was marred by pickets, protestors and a bussed-in mob of Purists from the hardcore Sighthill Beard.

Bruce Morton handed out anti-carooka leaflets and was at the door of the venue exclaiming to people entering, "If you go up the stairs, you're a scab." 

James Young (who was pivotal in bringing Carooka to The Mezz  - for a whopping £165 fee) stood firm. "We're delighted to get this one over the line. Rooka is young and ambitious and brings us something different."

Rooka told reporters. "Obviously, the SCL is a massive league. My grandfather fought in Shawlands during the war so for me to be here now is a dream come true."

Rooka is unveiled

Bruce was eventually calmed down via negotiators and invited to have a Carooka. To see that the actual Carrom was under no threat. He sat, settled, ate haddock and chips and went on to burst James' hole in that game. Pronouncing himself content, the Elder went back down the Mezz stairs and persuaded the mob outside to stand easy.  

Gender rebound

 

Salam Alaykum

Recently, two SCL members identified as gender-rebounders. Stu Thomson and Paul McCole have stated that they wish to be known as cis-gender non-binary incel pansexual pronouns. Both of them/they/those/these/hingwy call for carrom reform  - citing unsafe words oft used at a board.

Thomson: "Last week on the mezz, I heard on observor say, after I missed a shot, "He messed that one up." "Being described as "he" made me unsettled and I went on to lose the game."

McCole: "I am a giantess in a Dalek body. Giantess rights are human rights."

The debate is valid. 

However, just the other night, Jim missed an easy pot at my board and I blurted, "Ah - ya dick." 

Jim immediately played the gender card: pronouncing that the use of the word dick was equivalent to hate crime. The game was abandoned for twelve minutes. All hail Big Dianne who stepped in to separate the players and adjudge that Jim's miss was, indeed, so laughable that it did warrant the phrase, "Ah - ya dick."

Jim settled and went on to win that board, posting a seven. Which just goes to show you.

Actors poised to invest in SCL

 

The Southside Carrom League could be on the verge of a massive boost. 

Famed actors Gary Lewis and Peter Mullen are poised to invest hundreds of pounds into the SCL. Neither of them are of Saudi prince wealth, but both are said to be minted.

Fellow actor and respected wee guy Davie McKay - who is a rep for the Equity trade onion - advised caution about the proposed new chairmen, citing the grief at Ibrox under the stewardship of Craig White.

The blog sides with Davie's apprehension.  It may be that Lewis and Mullen see the SCL as a movement deserving of support. But, could it be that both of them are simply looking for the opportunity of a Netflix series and a cashcow?

The blog reached out to SCL folk for their thoughts:

Stephen McCole:  Nae problem wi' a cashcow, j'know whit a mean? Good for them - good for us. Win-win, j'know whit a mean? I've working on a mix: "Carrom Cashcow"

Paul McCole: Aye, naw, definitely. They've probably had a wee drink but naw, aye, definitely.

Paul Shep: I could totally design hats for them

Bruce Morton: I'd sign the form except that - and I dunno if I've mentioned this lately - I've got a broken wrist.

John McManus: It is the same as Marx and Engels. They saw how there was a different path to progress. And yr going back to the 1840's. Before toasters and optimism and yoghurt and all that. By the way - and this is a fact -  The Clash were never the same after Topper Headon left.

 

 

Linen £25 food voucher fraud

James Young of Linen 1906 has increased crowd numbers to his venue in recent months, via Carrom games and the promise of a £25 food voucher.

Has anybody won this food voucher? 

Player after player has been showing up on the Linen mezzanine for months and exhibiting decent style on the boards but there are no reports of anyone getting the £25 food voucher.

Young (bar manager, board owner, DJ and alleged actor) has been pivotal in the growth of the sport. Of that, there is no doubt. But yet, mutters abound as to his motives. John Hartson on the TalkToYourself podcast described him as "the Sepp Blatter of carrom".

Paul McCole won the Linen Trophy in April. Bruce Morton competed with a broken wrist. Fraser boarded whilst wondering where his dog had went. Unlike the dog, the £25 food voucher remains Shawshank.

Big Dianne has posted on her Instagram that she can organise a stir-fry for any disaffected members.

Father of Purism dead at age 99

 

Dimitri Zabsov, the Father of Purism, died yesterday at age 99.

The Carrom world mourns the passing of a giant. An intellect. A soul unbroken. The man who hinted to us of what was and what was not. 

His legacy encourages optimism and doubt. Indeed, his book "Optimism and Doubt" remains as the Tao Te Ching of Carrom.

Born of humble shoemakers in Bucharest, Zabsov studied wood, segs and resin until, as a young man, he travelled in 1943 to join partisans in Finland in the war against Soviet hordes. 

It was there, in a bunker, that he was introduced to Carrom. The strategies he studied led him to single-handedly destroy four Russian tanks using only rebounds and a bag of tangerines.

After the war, he returned to Romania and worked as a clerk until 1947 when the country fell under the Soviet sphere of influence and implemented Communist rule. He fled to Czechoslovakia for but a year until the country fell under the Soviet sphere of influence and implemented Communist rule. As the Eastern Bloc consolidated, Zabsov moved further west with time spent in Bavaria, Paris, Plymouth and in 1959 settled in Galway in the town of Athenry.  

Lore has it that it was there, on a summer morning in a field where he "watched the small free birds fly" that he recalled the carrom boards in Finland, reflected on his journeys and their meaning and, with the support of new friends Big Joe Baker and Flann O'Brien, formed The Provisional Purists Association. 

As word spread through Ireland of carrom and the PPA, Zabsov was visited at his home by like souls including Andrei Bukachenko of the emergent Paris Purists and by Allen Ginsberg.

Bukachenko

Ginsberg

Through the next decades, Purism grew as a movement. "We care not what happened but rather the manner in which such outcome occured." Purist groups emerged as philosophical adjuncts to carrom crews across Europe. From Galway to Gdansk and beyond. The term Beards became shorthand for and gently dismissive of Purists, but Zabsov embraced this, stating, "Names and titles are but titles and names."

In 1972, Zabsov declined the Nobel Carrom Prize. In 1981 he was inducted into the Board Hall of Fame but did not attend. 

In his later years he learned the mandolin and went on to form The Ballyhoolish Beards and released two albums, "Line" and "Trippy In A Spin" (the latter featuring Craig Armstrong and Bjork).

His family asks for privacy at this time of mourning.

The SCL asks for a minute's silence before the next break.

Dimitri Zabsov. RIP.