Scholars

Here, we examine the noted scholars of ancient times who influenced the sport we now know as carrom.

Aryabhata

Big Ary was an Indian mathematician circa 900AD who is credited with inventing geometry - without which rebounds would not be possible. His influence can be seen to this day even on the unholy tables of pool and snooker. Born of humble shoemakers, Ary spent his formative years formatting himself before taking the shape of a mountain goat and scaling the cliffs of mystery.

 

 

St Joseph of Nantes

Recorded in The Book of Saints as being the founder of what we now know of as rules, Joseph's doctrines included "he who breaks is on the whites", "2 v 2 games must rotate in a clockwise form" and "courtesy is next to Godliness." Guidelines which remain to this day.

Matthew

The son of humble people who made shoes, Matthew rose to become a student at Notre Dame in 1732 and by the age of 20 had published pamphlets about birchwood, beech, boric acid and esoteric powders from the east. It is reported that he made pilgrimage to India where he met Baba Ghandu and the Bombay Tribe and sat at a carrom board for the first time. On his return to France, he wrote the first documented chronicle of this mysterious game. "Le conseil d'administration de majesté" (the board of majesty) became the most widely read pamphlet of the Napoleonic era.

Lord Fortrose of Scotland

Still a divise figure, Fortrose examined the optimal sizes of boards and pronounced in 1851 that a 74cm x 74cm playing surface be adjudged as proper.  Denounced by bishops and by folk in Pakistan who (to this day) favour a gigantic board, Fortrose retreated to his lodge in Elgin where he spent his latter days working on dimensions. His influence on board size remains unchallenged by westerners, yet still, mocked by Pakistani players. Knowing his days left were few, Fortrose set out to India to follow the footsteps of Matthew and was killed by a monkey.

Cyberpunk Paul McCole

 

Is Paul McCole augmented?

Questions hover in the carrom community about the provenance of the skills of RBO* Paul McCole. 

Some mutter that he is from the Matrix. (His IMDB says he is from Castlemilk). Carrom theologians suggest that he lights votive candles in the hours before a board. Paul-watchers and devotees of cyberpunk moot that he is augmented. That is, he has had bionic implants to his eyes, his right index finger and his demeanour to provide advantages at the board. 

Paul is tight-lipped about these suggestions. However, the rumours continued when he refused a League Management Committee demand that his striker take a polygraph test and in that same week  - as if to flaunt his skills - went downstairs from the Linen mezzanine, ordered a pint and rather than climb back up the stairs simply floated vertically back up to the mezz. 

Adding to this, McCole's missus Lou was lately videod sliding into an abandoned phone box, dialling a number and was within seconds seen on CCTV appearing outside the Asda in Toryglen.

All I'm asking for is a level playing field. 

 

*RBO Registered Board Owner.

Joseph MacNamara

 

Joe Mac

Sunday 17th of September marks the 10th anniversary of the passing of Joseph MacNamara, father of Irish carrom and the man who single-handedly brought craic to the boards. 

Born in Belfast to humble shoemakers, Joe spent his formative years putting segs on brogues before leaving his native land for two years in Mumbai and then going back up the road. 

It was in Mumbai that Joe discovered carrom and became known among the players there as The Irishman. 

Oft seen at the side of a board there, observing and learning, occasionally weilding a bodhran, Joe became a fixture in the Mumbai carrom sub-culture. And proved himself a player. His finger skills on the penny-whistle lent him a deftness and confidence at the board which led some Indian players to give up the game and try golf.

On his return to Ireland in 1978, he was arrested by the RUC and charged with sedition, treason, Papism and murals. Joe spent a year in Long Kesh before being freed by the tireless work of Emma Thompson. On release, he devoted himself to carrom and segs. Throughout the 80's and 90's, Joe MacNamara travelled to the four corners of Eire, bringing the word of the board to the hopeless and demented. 

Irish travellers began building boards out of plywood, tin, jam and dogs. Soon, though, in a twisted turn, there would be a culture of carrom "call-out" videos online where mental people challenged other mentalists to a board whilst wearing balaclavas and being barely intelligible..

Still, in 2012, Joe was invited to the Vatican. For a set. 

He humped the Pope 25-4 after four boards.

And on this anniversary of his passing, tributes have poured in:

Bono "That man could rebound"

Dara O'Brian "I was there at that game against the Pope. Yer man was unflappable" 

Liam Neeson "Legend, Sorely missed."

Paul McCole "If it wisny for Joe, I'd probably never got intae carrom. Aye, naw, definitely."