Tinker Tailor Carrom Spy

 

We have a mole. It seems the Circus is compromised.

The recent disruptions to the SCL Linen Thursday meets have been attributed to everything from Europa League football, Carrooka, family commitments and carrom fatigue. How convenient.

Chaps, the Circus is under the gaze of powers who would see us wither. To all but the dim there is evidence of foreign intervention in the SCL. Boards have seen recent attendees include a Czech; a Portuguese; at least two Indians, a English and a Canadian who posed as a representative of Comic Con.

In the summer, a bystander at Linen (citing curiousity) sat, boarded, identified himself as a musician of Welsh extract yet declined to give us a tune. It was then, you will recall, that Percy proposed a pogrom. Lionel poo-pood the idea and (with the backing of Control and the then Foreign Secetary) no action was taken. The reasons.remain opaque.

Our chap John McManus narrowly escaped with his life after being ambushed in Cairo by men wielding coconuts and a shuttlecock. And SCL sorcerer Stu Thomson only managed to fox the police of Prague with a self-induced coma and then turning himself into a lampshade.

Aleksander Mozorov of the Queens Park Chess Club says he can name the mole in return for safe passage and a flat in Cathcart.

SCL and The Board Brigade

 

The SCL League Management Committee remains at loggerheads with The Board Brigade about the display of pro-Palestine banners and flags at boards. The SCL has aleady been fined £24 after the recent meet when the Board Brigade set off vapes, rushed the mezzanine, unfurled an anti-monarchist flag and sang 99 Red Balloons.

LMC grandeees James Young and Bruce Morton (of the so-called "blazers") have called for restraint and dialogue.

Facing a ban from the mezz, The Board Brigade remains defiant and, via social media, has called for a day of action. Brigade Commander Paul McCole and his brother Stephen ("The Actor") have described the LMC as Zionist and evidenced that the menu at the Carrom stadium Linen 1906 does not include pork.

Firebrand carromer John McManus had his two strikers seized in a dawn raid by Police Scotland last Monday. His main striker, which is emblazoned with a caricature of Yasser Arafat, was deemed a hate-crime and his back-up cited as an accessory. This blog says Free the McManus Two.

When the Day of Action will happen remains unclear, but the Board Brigade promises a robust protest which, they say, will include a bespoke Tifo designed by Paul McCole's partner - the shadowy Lulu ("Lady MacBeth") Brown  - and a 24 hour mass hula-hoop demonstration at the junction outside the venue. The Board Brigade suggests that all the hula-hoopers bring bottled water and snacks in anticipation that they may get kettled.

I reached out to Kama: the God of carrom and He who built the Karmatron on the third day. After a day and night of prayer to Him, a pigeon arrived on my window ledge, bearing a piece of paper on it's beak. Gently, I took the paper from the beak and read the message within. Profound, pragmatic and citing the words of George Harrison, ihe note simply read All Things Must Pass.  

Oro se do bheatha bhaile Sinead

 

Big Dianne and the Plus Size Badminton

 

Salam alaykum

All hail Big Dianne and her bravuro second place in the Plus Size badminton tournament in Shawbridge this weekend. In a thrilling final against tournament favourite, Heavy Heather (current Cathcart state champion), our lass D gave every ounce of her perspiration in a display of old-school glow badminton style and determination and wheezing.

Congratulations to the third and fourth placed competitors Big Janice and Fiona the Flump.

Said Big D: "I was blootered when I got onto the court and starving by the time we'd finished. Much respect to Heather who took me and Janice and Fiona to an artisan chip shop after the competition. Then we ordered a taxi to take us all back up the road but there wasn't enough room in the vehicle so Fiona ended up walking."

Suffragettes and International Carrom Day

 

Sally Jones 2nd from right

As WW1 was raging across Europe, a band of women took to the streets of Great Britain to demand emancipation and a place at carrom boards. Sally Jones is credited as the leader of this movement. Born of humble milliners, Jones grew up in Bristol in the George V era and was the first female seaborne dentist to have been acknowledged by the Admiralty.

At age 26, Jones made port at Gujarat, India where she became fascinated by the traditional game of carrom. Her husband, Sir Neville of Stank, was a lawyer and a noted billiards player, oft mentioned at the counting houses and lanyards of London. The sport of carrom was new and novel in Great Britain, favoured by the gentry but, however, a male-dominated hobby and.played in awkward style which belied the finesse of Indians,

On her return to Britain in 1912, war had broken out, women still did not have the vote and nobody with a vagina was allowed to play carrom.This, despite that Queen Victoria herself had owned a board and a bespoke striker made of ivory from the tusk of her favourite Indian elephant. (Trunky).

It was not until the Equal Franchise Act of 1928 that women over 21 were able to vote and women finally achieved the same voting rights as men. This act increased the number of women eligible to vote to 15 million. Still, it took forty more years before females were granted equal access to carrom boards. 

Jane Fonda (still a divisive firgure) is noted as a critic of The Vietnam War and, too, as a proponent of gender-loose sets. Her hit single of 1970, "Call me Moira", became a rallying call to carrom women across the world.  

Friday 3rd November marks International Carrom Day, when players, enthusiasts and Beards come together for a festival of board-based fun at the Pierce Insitute in Govan. This year, guest speakers include Sir Keir Starmer, Andrei Bukachenko, Megan Thee Stallion, John McManus and Fatima Uygun. Music from The Young Fathers and Creeping Palsy. Spoken word from Jim Monaghan and Her With The Purple Hair.

And as tribute to Sally Jones, our sister and pioneer, on what would have been her 120th birthday, International Carrom Day this year features the Govanhill Chorus and the Battlefield Barber Shop in a rendition of Freedom Come All Ye.

 

 

Mezz hiatus

 

Salam alaykum

The entire SCL crew has lately been diagnosed with mezz hiatus, meaning a temporary halt to the Thursday games at Linen. In an echo of the Carromavirus of 2020, mezz hiatus has forced players to seek alternative distractions. When Scottish interest in the Europa League evaporates - which may be not too far away -  normal SCL Thursday games will resume. 

In this pause, the blog has reached out to some of the crew to ask how they are dealing with absent carrom Thursdays.

Paul McCole: It is a total shame, man. Aye, naw, definintely. I've just been chilling and learning the bassoon. It calms my snake.

John McManus: Ho Chi Min stated that patience and will are weapons. I'm working on a paper about the differences between a 13amp and a 5amp fuse. Thus far, it looks like it is 8amps.

Bruce Morton: I've been building a composite image where Paul McCole's face is on Adele's body. The inspiration for this came from something Paul muttered.

James Young: I've invented a parlour game where folk have to guess the next manager of the Rangers and, for bonus points, guess how long that person will have the job. The winner gets a polythene sash.

Stu Thomson: Been finessing a magic trick where Thursdays vanish and reappear as Mondays. I'm almost there but I keep getting the Thursdays showing up as half-four on a Sunday.

Stephen McCole: Just been meditating and then when I get out from under my self-inflicted coma, putting a mix together, j'know what I mean? Main thing is - keep the funk alive.

Fraser J: Homers, mainly massaging female ballet dancers.

Jim Muir: Working on a screenplay about a vampire who eats stand-up comics and vomits them into a canal in Manchester.

Paul Shep: Artwork, southside prostitutes and a bit of cottaging. Also, mushrooms.

Harry: Millinery

The Southside Carrom League is untrammeled. 

We may pause, but we never stop.