Paul McCole's Atlantic rowing trip

Transatlantic rower Paul McCole

 

It started as a drunk conversation and became a dare. 

Three months later Paul McCole was in Nantucket where he bought a small boat, oars, waterproof gear, a hat and a radio. And set off to row his way to Glasgow. What happened is now legend and one of the most incredible of seafaring tales.

Like many carrom figures, Paul McCole was born of humble shoemakers. As a child, he would gaze at the stars and skoosh water into the sink. His brother Stephen has said, "Even when he was little he would talk to my goldfish and chat to traffic lights."

In his teens, McCole travelled to Fleetwood and became obsessed by the ocean.

Perhaps overwhelmed by the majesty of the tides he had witnessed on that Lancashire beach or, perhaps, intent on representing the swell and flow of the human condition which the sea had imprinted on him, he became an actor.

He then had a coupla burds and a coupla weans. And then came the call..

Stephen says, "He phoned me up. Said, I'm going to row from Nantucket to Glasgow."

On April 14th, 2017 -  Paul McCole gazed east from Nantucket, climbed into a twenty foot boat and began rowing across the Atlantic.

On sunrise after the first day's rowing, a jellyfish glued itself to the front of the boat and freaked Paul out. He punched it to death and scraped it's remains into a poly bag. To use as food. It tasted, he said later, like chicken but salty. "The eyeballs were kinda like the texture of a Turkish Delight."

After fourteen days on the ocean, more drama befell the lone rower when an Orca ate a bit of his boat. On it's third time circling the damaged craft, Paul's Castlemilk resolve kicked into gear and he clubbed it to death with an oar, dragged it aboard and fried it up with olive oil and garlic and feasted on the bastard over the next six days. Fins and beak and everything. He saved some of the fur to repair the boat.

Three months later, adrift, havering, lost and starving but for a diet of turtle blood and seagulls, his boat was spotted by the freight ship SS Machrie Road but was ignored. McCole states that "at that moment I gave up hope and resigned myself to cannibalism - that is, the only way I could stay alive was to eat myself." It was later that day, however, that a wandering albatross had a skyborne heart attack and fell into McCole's boat. He munched on the carcass for the next two weeks.

By January 2018, emaciated and babbling and singing the rebs, McCole had indeed given up hope. And then..

His boat became caught in the dangling sonar array of a passing British submarine: HMS Victorious, a nuclear class asset, which was on it's way back to Faslane. He was dragged 800 nautical miles before the submarine noticed, stopped, surfaced and allowed sailors to throw provisions to the ailing rowman: a loaf, cheese, a jar of marmalade, a mandolin and four cans before disengaging the sonar array and submerging once again beneath Neptune's halls.

It was three weeks later that the brave mariner washed up in Gourock, was found by startled citizens and carried up the road for a sausage supper and a cup of tea. 

Now a stalwart of the carrom scene, Paul McCole states "I hate boats and seafood. Can't even wash my face without flashbacks."

Recap

 

Salam Alaykum

As we approach summer Solstice, time to reflect on the doings and matters of the Southside Carrom League thus far in 2023.

The Mezzanine at Linen 1906 has been a remarkable success: regular meets on Thursdays; multiple boards set up (including the Tim Board); garnering new players and making friends; the introduction of Carrooka; the 2-4-1 burger deal (7-9pm), Fraser's dug and the now legend meet when that wee Indian burd Bobby skelped many of us. Much respect to Paul McCole and to James Young for setting and keeping the Mezz fire burning.

Respect also to Stu Thomson who often shows up at the Mezz after work to get a couple of games in before having to go up the road 'cos his missus has phoned him while he is at a board asking when he'll be up the road with a chinky.

Springtime saw Bruce play left-handed following a radial fracture of his dominant wrist. His average scores were unchanged. Those he beat whilst left-handed were gracious in defeat. And who can forget that meet when Fraser's dug drank some water, ate a chicken-bite, sat up at a board and posted a 4 point win against Stephen? Absolute scenes.

The much anticipated match between Jim Muir and Paul McCole was twice postponed: Muir cited "family commitments" and then "social anxiety." Carrom-watchers believe that Muir is a shitebag. The blog reached out to Paul via WhatsApp. His reply was stark, "I'm here every Thursday, big man.."

Two dancers showed up one night in March on the mezz. They dance with Scottish Ballet. Fraser gives massage to them and their colleagues. Does homers and everything. My father was a maintenance electrician at the Hoover factory in Cambuslang.

AI could destroy carrom. The Elders will recall that during Covid lockdown, we kept the spirit alive by playing a digital version of the sport. It may be that our enthusiasm is our downfall. Coders have now built carrom systems where wood is superfluous and strikers/pieces are replaced by avatars and holograms of Tupac and Abba. John McManus states that this is "similar to the Soviet pogroms when ideology became more important than basic humanity."

Despite AI, despite postponements, broken limbs, burds phoning for a chinky and a dog posting four against Stephen, the SCL endures and thrives. 

Summerboard 2023 is on the July horizon.

 

 

 

 

Carooka debut marred by protests

 

Salam Alaykum

The public debut and addition of Carooka on the Linen 1906 mezzanine of the SCL was marred by pickets, protestors and a bussed-in mob of Purists from the hardcore Sighthill Beard.

Bruce Morton handed out anti-carooka leaflets and was at the door of the venue exclaiming to people entering, "If you go up the stairs, you're a scab." 

James Young (who was pivotal in bringing Carooka to The Mezz  - for a whopping £165 fee) stood firm. "We're delighted to get this one over the line. Rooka is young and ambitious and brings us something different."

Rooka told reporters. "Obviously, the SCL is a massive league. My grandfather fought in Shawlands during the war so for me to be here now is a dream come true."

Rooka is unveiled

Bruce was eventually calmed down via negotiators and invited to have a Carooka. To see that the actual Carrom was under no threat. He sat, settled, ate haddock and chips and went on to burst James' hole in that game. Pronouncing himself content, the Elder went back down the Mezz stairs and persuaded the mob outside to stand easy.  

Gender rebound

 

Salam Alaykum

Recently, two SCL members identified as gender-rebounders. Stu Thomson and Paul McCole have stated that they wish to be known as cis-gender non-binary incel pansexual pronouns. Both of them/they/those/these/hingwy call for carrom reform  - citing unsafe words oft used at a board.

Thomson: "Last week on the mezz, I heard on observor say, after I missed a shot, "He messed that one up." "Being described as "he" made me unsettled and I went on to lose the game."

McCole: "I am a giantess in a Dalek body. Giantess rights are human rights."

The debate is valid. 

However, just the other night, Jim missed an easy pot at my board and I blurted, "Ah - ya dick." 

Jim immediately played the gender card: pronouncing that the use of the word dick was equivalent to hate crime. The game was abandoned for twelve minutes. All hail Big Dianne who stepped in to separate the players and adjudge that Jim's miss was, indeed, so laughable that it did warrant the phrase, "Ah - ya dick."

Jim settled and went on to win that board, posting a seven. Which just goes to show you.

Actors poised to invest in SCL

 

The Southside Carrom League could be on the verge of a massive boost. 

Famed actors Gary Lewis and Peter Mullen are poised to invest hundreds of pounds into the SCL. Neither of them are of Saudi prince wealth, but both are said to be minted.

Fellow actor and respected wee guy Davie McKay - who is a rep for the Equity trade onion - advised caution about the proposed new chairmen, citing the grief at Ibrox under the stewardship of Craig White.

The blog sides with Davie's apprehension.  It may be that Lewis and Mullen see the SCL as a movement deserving of support. But, could it be that both of them are simply looking for the opportunity of a Netflix series and a cashcow?

The blog reached out to SCL folk for their thoughts:

Stephen McCole:  Nae problem wi' a cashcow, j'know whit a mean? Good for them - good for us. Win-win, j'know whit a mean? I've working on a mix: "Carrom Cashcow"

Paul McCole: Aye, naw, definitely. They've probably had a wee drink but naw, aye, definitely.

Paul Shep: I could totally design hats for them

Bruce Morton: I'd sign the form except that - and I dunno if I've mentioned this lately - I've got a broken wrist.

John McManus: It is the same as Marx and Engels. They saw how there was a different path to progress. And yr going back to the 1840's. Before toasters and optimism and yoghurt and all that. By the way - and this is a fact -  The Clash were never the same after Topper Headon left.