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Al-Wade leader Bigbag Bagwash
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Bigbag Bagwash has declared carrom haram.
In a speech to his followers at the Boom-Boom Boom-Boom Festival, the Bagwash urged the burning of boards and described rebounds as the works of Satan. Long an opponent of board games, bird-feeders, kites and accordians, the firebrand leader of Al-Wade In Da Water called for a new Caliphate, a jihad of the pulse and a fatwah upon SCL talisman Paul McCole.
The Blog reached out to The Elders. Their response was robust and unanimous..
John McManus: I live in the high flats and I'll see yis coming and I'll rearrange yer plugs.
SMC: Satirical zealot mix coming soon, ya prick.
Paul McCole: Nae need for this mad grief. Zup tae yous, but.
Bruce Morton:Pick yr battles carefully, son. Half of our mob have been on STV.
Paul Shep: They'll tremble in their sandals when they clock the agit-prop I'm working on.
Stu T: Choose a card, mate. Any card. Anytime. Any place. Any obs?
Fraser J: I'll spike this clown's apple juice so heavy he'll think his robes are a caravan.
James Young: Jog on, Bagwash - yer barred. By the way, see when you skipped out without paying for the burger that night and thought you were smart well guess what - we'd told ye it was halal but it wisnae.
Jim Muir: I'll have a dose of what Fraser suggested.
Lulu Brown: :Look out for my caricature of your prophet. Rendered via graphite pencil, gold leaf and gay wax. 200 offers so far on Facebook Marketplace. Deal wi' it.
Yati Mayor: The camo Fred Perry shirts have been flying oot the door.
First they came for the Carromers and I did not speak out because I was not a Carromer.
Then they came for Queens Park Camera Club and I did not speak out because I was not a photographer.
Then they came for the funky and I did not speak out because I am not funky.
Then they came for me - and there was no one left to speak for me.