Carrom haram fury

Al-Wade leader Bigbag Bagwash

Bigbag Bagwash has declared carrom haram. 

In a speech to his followers at the Boom-Boom Boom-Boom Festival, the Bagwash urged the burning of boards and described rebounds as the works of Satan. Long an opponent of board games, bird-feeders, kites and accordians, the firebrand leader of Al-Wade In Da Water called for a new Caliphate, a jihad of the pulse and a fatwah upon SCL talisman Paul McCole.

The Blog reached out to The Elders. Their response was robust and unanimous..

John McManus: I live in the high flats and I'll see yis coming and I'll rearrange yer plugs.

SMC: Satirical zealot mix coming soon, ya prick.

Paul McCole: Nae need for this mad grief. Zup tae yous, but.

Bruce Morton:Pick yr battles carefully, son. Half of our mob have been on STV.

Paul Shep: They'll tremble in their sandals when they clock the agit-prop I'm working on.

Stu T: Choose a card, mate. Any card. Anytime. Any place. Any obs?

Fraser J: I'll spike this clown's apple juice so heavy he'll think his robes are a caravan.

James Young: Jog on, Bagwash - yer barred. By the way, see when you skipped out without paying for the burger that night and thought you were smart well guess what - we'd told ye it was halal but it wisnae.

 

Jim Muir: I'll have a dose of what Fraser suggested.

Lulu Brown: :Look out for my caricature of your prophet. Rendered via graphite pencil, gold leaf and gay wax. 200 offers so far on Facebook Marketplace. Deal wi' it.

Yati Mayor: The camo Fred Perry shirts have been flying oot the door.

First they came for the Carromers and I did not speak out because I was not a Carromer.

Then they came for Queens Park Camera Club and I did not speak out because I was not a photographer.

Then they came for the funky and I did not speak out because I am not funky.

Then they came for me - and there was no one left to speak for me.