Big Dianne - my wedding joy

 

Big Dianne and wee Tony have announced their wedding. 

Readers of this blog may recall that Dianne and Tony got off with each other in The Allison Arms in vivid sight of the regulars, the bar staff and Tony's wife Natalie. Following a quickie divorce, Natalie regrouped, got her hair done and went on secure a job at Optical Express.

Big Dianne spoke to the blog. "The mad days are behind me noo. Flashing my tits in the Rum Shack and Brodies and Kebabish Grill and all that. This wee guy is the real deal. I am made up."

Wee Tony, who made it to the semi-final in Strictly Come Carroming last year and is a popular figure on the southside when he shows up with the bodhran, paid tribute to his wife-to-be. "She has turned my life around. The age thing doesn't bother me. Nor the difference in height and BMI. She is intae her tunes. Plus, she is a belter."

The wedding will be held at St Ninian's church in Pollokshields, officiated by celebrant Paul McCole.  A private reception will take place in Heraghty and then, via a fleet of rickshaws, go up the road to Linen 1906 which has a late licence.

The blog reached out to The Elders.
.
Stephen McCole "I canny see her changin' her ways. J'know whit I mean?"

James Young (manager at Linen 1906) "We've hired a red rug to put outside the door."

Bruce Morton "I'm still getting texts from her."

Stu Thomson (conjurer) "I can do a thing that makes Tony's head look like a coconut."

John McManus : "Marriage is a bourgeois construction."

Jim Muir "I'm still getting texts from her."

Youtube has some background about Big Dianne in the form of two ballads.

Big Dianne part one

Big Dianne part two 

 

The nature of mistakes

 

Salam alaykum

The Southside Carrom League is accustomed to mistakes. A badly aligned atttempt; failing a thumb-shot reverse from 2cm distance; getting so high and chatty that you can't remember who it is to go next; forgetting what colour you are on and potting one of your opponent's pieces, wearing tweed after dark - the list goes on.

Were it not for mistakes, though, triumph would be hollow. Who among us has not had a serotonin kick when the opponent dumped his/her striker into a pocket? Who among us has not felt gloom when making such a mistake? Not one. So, we share the misery of mistakes and a smile at the dismay of our opponents. Mistakes bind us.

How do we recognise a mistake? Here, a handy guide to common Carrom screw-ups.

Displays of smug behaviour.

Techno or rock as background music.

Opponent was so into their next shot that they forgot that you had just fouled and should have had one of your pieces placed back on the board. ICF rules state that it is not incumbent of the fouler to notify the foulee.

Turning up in the first place.

Over-thinking.

Putting ketchup on Cajun Fries.

Commentating. 

Using more than two fingers to investigate a pocket.

Going for the Queen when you have no chance of a cover.

 

All hail mistakes. Without them our sport would be humdrum.