The art of the sly

 

It is known that if an opponent fails to claim a forfeit and continues play, that forfeit is then deemed void. This is in the International Carrom Federation rules. It is not incumbent upon you to say anything about that mistake. Keeping your mouth shut while your adversary missed an advantage is, while sly, legitimate. "Never interrupt your enemy while they are making a mistake" Napoleon Bonaparte.

Here, the blog studies some instances of SCL slyness.

Bruce Morton is known to divert attention at his venue by casually saying this before his opponent takes a shot midway through a game: "Hold on - I just want to change that playlist". On re-seating, Morton will often ask who it is to go and persuade the opponent that it is him to go.

The "which hand is it in" trick.  Now discredited and abandoned, this move was favoured by Morton and Stu T who would offer two closed fists to the opponent for that person to guess which hand held the striker and, thus, choose who would break. It was revealed in summer 2023 that often there was no striker in either hand..This was sly to the max: literally cheating before the game began. Subsequently, players have used the "nearest to the back frame" guide for the break choice.

Dosing your opponent with edibles half an hour before a set. Whilst sly, no player has as yet complained to The Elders about this maneuver.

Dick the Queen. A rare distraction, this, but the Summerboard 2023 event famously saw SMC regard his semi-final opponent lining up an easy cover in a tense game and stood up and flashed his dick. The cover was made and the opponent later said it wasn't a big deal. 

Be-bop as a background distraction and head-blister.

Vape smoke. Often used by Jas Young and Paul McCole at the Linen mezzanine, vape smoke can temporarily obscure the line-of-sight of an opponent. Two Linen meets were halted after two players lost their spatial awareness and fell off the mezz.

The phoney phone call sting. Rare, subtle and requiring deep syncopation, this move primes a third party to send a weird unexpected text to your opponent during a game, thus breaking their concentration and conferring a brief advamtage.

All hail the sly.

 

 

 

 

  

 

  

Carrom haram fury

Al-Wade leader Bigbag Bagwash

Bigbag Bagwash has declared carrom haram. 

In a speech to his followers at the Boom-Boom Boom-Boom Festival, the Bagwash urged the burning of boards and described rebounds as the works of Satan. Long an opponent of board games, bird-feeders, kites and accordians, the firebrand leader of Al-Wade In Da Water called for a new Caliphate, a jihad of the pulse and a fatwah upon SCL talisman Paul McCole.

The Blog reached out to The Elders. Their response was robust and unanimous..

John McManus: I live in the high flats and I'll see yis coming and I'll rearrange yer plugs.

SMC: Satirical zealot mix coming soon, ya prick.

Paul McCole: Nae need for this mad grief. Zup tae yous, but.

Bruce Morton:Pick yr battles carefully, son. Half of our mob have been on STV.

Paul Shep: They'll tremble in their sandals when they clock the agit-prop I'm working on.

Stu T: Choose a card, mate. Any card. Anytime. Any place. Any obs?

Fraser J: I'll spike this clown's apple juice so heavy he'll think his robes are a caravan.

James Young: Jog on, Bagwash - yer barred. By the way, see when you skipped out without paying for the burger that night and thought you were smart well guess what - we'd told ye it was halal but it wisnae.

 

Jim Muir: I'll have a dose of what Fraser suggested.

Lulu Brown: :Look out for my caricature of your prophet. Rendered via graphite pencil, gold leaf and gay wax. 200 offers so far on Facebook Marketplace. Deal wi' it.

Yati Mayor: The camo Fred Perry shirts have been flying oot the door.

First they came for the Carromers and I did not speak out because I was not a Carromer.

Then they came for Queens Park Camera Club and I did not speak out because I was not a photographer.

Then they came for the funky and I did not speak out because I am not funky.

Then they came for me - and there was no one left to speak for me.

Fraser Induction to Hall of Elders

 

The Elders have spoken.

Fraser J is to be inducted as an Elder.

The ceremony will take place under the first serpent moon of spring 2024 at the hallowed location in Cathcart. In tradition, the new Elder will be presented with a cloak of stoat fur and will eat a votive candle. Rhythms will come from The Hoodoo Quintet and the Enactment Prayer will be read by Josie Long.

Born of humble masseurs, Fraser J became RBO in early 2023 and has since become a regular player, host and convivial member of the SCL. When not massaging the limbs of ballet dancers, Fraser has lent his skills to repairing the index fingers and wrists of southside carromers, healing the near-numb and offering gentle fizz to the hopeless.

 It was Fraser who introduced the concept of bringing a dog to the mezz, so cementing the link between beast and board. The famous F-Board meet at his home saw visiting players guzzle miscellaneous alcohol, Iceland Pizza and hallucinogens. While the gameplay went out the window that evening, word subsequently went round that here was a man who was prepared to push the carrom envelope and think outside the box while everybody was out of their box.

All hail the new Elder.

 

 

  

 

 

2023 Carrom Review

 

As-salamu alaykum 

In a significant year for the SCL, the blog is pleased to announce prestige and memorable moments.

Player Of The Year
Paul McCole

 
Born of humble shoemakers, Paul McCole became an actor, a musician, has battled inner demons and has risen to become the most consistent player in the SCL. His skill - allied to his modesty - has brought him fans from Pollokshields to Larne. Away from the carrom boards, Paul delivers food to the hungry and is proud father and grandfather to countless weans.

New Player of The Year
Fraser Johnston

Top Meets 1
Summerboard Rutherglen. In June, at his home stadium, Stephen McCole not only went the extra mile and hours in setting up the arena (tarp and everything), he won on that day Summerboard Singles Champion and, with Tommy, Doubles Champion. The hospitality, convivialiaty and background tunes were gold.

Stephen and Tommy Doubles Trophy

Top Meets 2
On the Linen mezz that night when 20 folk showed up and all games were 2v2 because all three boards set up were mobbed and you had to wait 20 minutes or more for a place behind a frame.

Drama D'or
The long awaited showdown between Paul McCole and Jim Muir. Despite Muir's height and reach advantage, Paul toasted him whilst barely breaking sweat.

Most Pretty Mezz Carrom Board
Judges declared a tie between the Jasboard and the Fraserboard. 

Most Pretty Non-Mezz Carrom Board
Stephen's vintage board takes this accolade again, but honourable mention goes to Stu Thomson's Atelier-Radscha Sunbeam, pictured here.

The Sunbeam Stuboard

2023 Innovations
Carrooka
Killer Carrom
Silicone Skoosh Spray
Dogs allowed

Best Dressed Player
A landslide vote for Bruce Morton when he invoked contemporary Mod style at Summerboard.

Contribution to SCL Culture
Title goes to Paul Shep for his artwork and effort in producing beautiful SCL banners, flags and pennants. Honourable mentions to the blog and the bespoke mixes by Stephen  SMC mixes
Salute also to Jim for his chemistry.

Most Messy Meet
That night in Cathcart when Paul M, Jas and Bruce went to ------ flat and boarded with beer, wine, assorted cider, pizza from Iceland and, latterly, DMT.

Blessings to all the players and organisers for all the meets and for the great shots and the laughable ones and the flukes and the fouls. 

 

Tinker Tailor Carrom Spy

 

We have a mole. It seems the Circus is compromised.

The recent disruptions to the SCL Linen Thursday meets have been attributed to everything from Europa League football, Carrooka, family commitments and carrom fatigue. How convenient.

Chaps, the Circus is under the gaze of powers who would see us wither. To all but the dim there is evidence of foreign intervention in the SCL. Boards have seen recent attendees include a Czech; a Portuguese; at least two Indians, a English and a Canadian who posed as a representative of Comic Con.

In the summer, a bystander at Linen (citing curiousity) sat, boarded, identified himself as a musician of Welsh extract yet declined to give us a tune. It was then, you will recall, that Percy proposed a pogrom. Lionel poo-pood the idea and (with the backing of Control and the then Foreign Secetary) no action was taken. The reasons.remain opaque.

Our chap John McManus narrowly escaped with his life after being ambushed in Cairo by men wielding coconuts and a shuttlecock. And SCL sorcerer Stu Thomson only managed to fox the police of Prague with a self-induced coma and then turning himself into a lampshade.

Aleksander Mozorov of the Queens Park Chess Club says he can name the mole in return for safe passage and a flat in Cathcart.