Carrom ranked second last

 

The Scotland Pastime Commission has ranked Carrom as the second-last most popular pastime in their annual list of top twenty distractions in the country.

In the survey, the SPC adjudged the following for 2024.

1 Snooker
2 Putting a thing up
3.Replying to a thing
4 Magnet Fishing
5 Waving shoes at taxis
6 Cat Circus
7 Muttering to yourself
8 Deleting a thing
9 Knitting
10 Meercatting ar the window when there is shouting outside
11 Saying "Only in Glasgow"
12 Vodka
13 Charity shops
14 Marbles
15 Looking at the moon
16 Being hingin'
17 Sharing a thing
18 Discussing gentrification
19  Carrom
20 Shouting at fruit flies

Top tier sports such as football; golf, rugby and darts have long attracted attention and finance, while our sport has been deemed "a poor man's chess" and, in the words of Ryan Reynolds, "worse than Ludo." The financial gap remains wide and plain. Still, we endure.

Carrom till I die.

Tiocfaidh ár lá

No to anti-doping agency

 

The SCL has long been mired in allegations of doping and the use of intoxicants. 

So, last week, five of The Elders met to discuss and address this issue. Their judgement (in a 4 to 1 majority) was that an anti-doping agency has no place in the world of carrom and would serve only to "send the wrong message."

Bruce Morton headed the inquiry by dint of his experience of having gone out with a nurse and of spending two years in medical school. He was, as known, thrown out of that school because his techniques were deemed "too radical." To that decision, Morton is on record as saying "they lost a pioneer."

The doping accusations against the SCL players contained these:

Stu Thomson: ingested Conjureraprine

Frazer J: Psuedoephedrine and Cialis and Diamente-pumpadrone.

John McManus: Class C and Class B substances while operating a striker.

James Young: mephedrone, standalone, mobilephone snd Gonn-yersel.

Paul McCole: Dignitalis, Goon Goon, Lulu Plus and Tall Blockers.

Lulu Brown: Paint sniffer. Distribution of Tall Blockers

Paul Shep: Ink sniffer. 

 

Jim Muir welcomed the judgement of The Elders, stating. "We await the straight." 

This blog hails the judgement and the unity of the crew. All hail, too, the recent actions of the SCL admins meerkating vs interlopers.  

And all hail The Clash...

Julie's been working for the drug squad

 

 

 

 

The art of the sly

 

It is known that if an opponent fails to claim a forfeit and continues play, that forfeit is then deemed void. This is in the International Carrom Federation rules. It is not incumbent upon you to say anything about that mistake. Keeping your mouth shut while your adversary missed an advantage is, while sly, legitimate. "Never interrupt your enemy while they are making a mistake" Napoleon Bonaparte.

Here, the blog studies some instances of SCL slyness.

Bruce Morton is known to divert attention at his venue by casually saying this before his opponent takes a shot midway through a game: "Hold on - I just want to change that playlist". On re-seating, Morton will often ask who it is to go and persuade the opponent that it is him to go.

The "which hand is it in" trick.  Now discredited and abandoned, this move was favoured by Morton and Stu T who would offer two closed fists to the opponent for that person to guess which hand held the striker and, thus, choose who would break. It was revealed in summer 2023 that often there was no striker in either hand..This was sly to the max: literally cheating before the game began. Subsequently, players have used the "nearest to the back frame" guide for the break choice.

Dosing your opponent with edibles half an hour before a set. Whilst sly, no player has as yet complained to The Elders about this maneuver.

Dick the Queen. A rare distraction, this, but the Summerboard 2023 event famously saw SMC regard his semi-final opponent lining up an easy cover in a tense game and stood up and flashed his dick. The cover was made and the opponent later said it wasn't a big deal. 

Be-bop as a background distraction and head-blister.

Vape smoke. Often used by Jas Young and Paul McCole at the Linen mezzanine, vape smoke can temporarily obscure the line-of-sight of an opponent. Two Linen meets were halted after two players lost their spatial awareness and fell off the mezz.

The phoney phone call sting. Rare, subtle and requiring deep syncopation, this move primes a third party to send a weird unexpected text to your opponent during a game, thus breaking their concentration and conferring a brief advamtage.

All hail the sly.

 

 

 

 

  

 

  

Carrom haram fury

Al-Wade leader Bigbag Bagwash

Bigbag Bagwash has declared carrom haram. 

In a speech to his followers at the Boom-Boom Boom-Boom Festival, the Bagwash urged the burning of boards and described rebounds as the works of Satan. Long an opponent of board games, bird-feeders, kites and accordians, the firebrand leader of Al-Wade In Da Water called for a new Caliphate, a jihad of the pulse and a fatwah upon SCL talisman Paul McCole.

The Blog reached out to The Elders. Their response was robust and unanimous..

John McManus: I live in the high flats and I'll see yis coming and I'll rearrange yer plugs.

SMC: Satirical zealot mix coming soon, ya prick.

Paul McCole: Nae need for this mad grief. Zup tae yous, but.

Bruce Morton:Pick yr battles carefully, son. Half of our mob have been on STV.

Paul Shep: They'll tremble in their sandals when they clock the agit-prop I'm working on.

Stu T: Choose a card, mate. Any card. Anytime. Any place. Any obs?

Fraser J: I'll spike this clown's apple juice so heavy he'll think his robes are a caravan.

James Young: Jog on, Bagwash - yer barred. By the way, see when you skipped out without paying for the burger that night and thought you were smart well guess what - we'd told ye it was halal but it wisnae.

 

Jim Muir: I'll have a dose of what Fraser suggested.

Lulu Brown: :Look out for my caricature of your prophet. Rendered via graphite pencil, gold leaf and gay wax. 200 offers so far on Facebook Marketplace. Deal wi' it.

Yati Mayor: The camo Fred Perry shirts have been flying oot the door.

First they came for the Carromers and I did not speak out because I was not a Carromer.

Then they came for Queens Park Camera Club and I did not speak out because I was not a photographer.

Then they came for the funky and I did not speak out because I am not funky.

Then they came for me - and there was no one left to speak for me.

Fraser Induction to Hall of Elders

 

The Elders have spoken.

Fraser J is to be inducted as an Elder.

The ceremony will take place under the first serpent moon of spring 2024 at the hallowed location in Cathcart. In tradition, the new Elder will be presented with a cloak of stoat fur and will eat a votive candle. Rhythms will come from The Hoodoo Quintet and the Enactment Prayer will be read by Josie Long.

Born of humble masseurs, Fraser J became RBO in early 2023 and has since become a regular player, host and convivial member of the SCL. When not massaging the limbs of ballet dancers, Fraser has lent his skills to repairing the index fingers and wrists of southside carromers, healing the near-numb and offering gentle fizz to the hopeless.

 It was Fraser who introduced the concept of bringing a dog to the mezz, so cementing the link between beast and board. The famous F-Board meet at his home saw visiting players guzzle miscellaneous alcohol, Iceland Pizza and hallucinogens. While the gameplay went out the window that evening, word subsequently went round that here was a man who was prepared to push the carrom envelope and think outside the box while everybody was out of their box.

All hail the new Elder.

 

 

  

 

 

2023 Carrom Review

 

As-salamu alaykum 

In a significant year for the SCL, the blog is pleased to announce prestige and memorable moments.

Player Of The Year
Paul McCole

 
Born of humble shoemakers, Paul McCole became an actor, a musician, has battled inner demons and has risen to become the most consistent player in the SCL. His skill - allied to his modesty - has brought him fans from Pollokshields to Larne. Away from the carrom boards, Paul delivers food to the hungry and is proud father and grandfather to countless weans.

New Player of The Year
Fraser Johnston

Top Meets 1
Summerboard Rutherglen. In June, at his home stadium, Stephen McCole not only went the extra mile and hours in setting up the arena (tarp and everything), he won on that day Summerboard Singles Champion and, with Tommy, Doubles Champion. The hospitality, convivialiaty and background tunes were gold.

Stephen and Tommy Doubles Trophy

Top Meets 2
On the Linen mezz that night when 20 folk showed up and all games were 2v2 because all three boards set up were mobbed and you had to wait 20 minutes or more for a place behind a frame.

Drama D'or
The long awaited showdown between Paul McCole and Jim Muir. Despite Muir's height and reach advantage, Paul toasted him whilst barely breaking sweat.

Most Pretty Mezz Carrom Board
Judges declared a tie between the Jasboard and the Fraserboard. 

Most Pretty Non-Mezz Carrom Board
Stephen's vintage board takes this accolade again, but honourable mention goes to Stu Thomson's Atelier-Radscha Sunbeam, pictured here.

The Sunbeam Stuboard

2023 Innovations
Carrooka
Killer Carrom
Silicone Skoosh Spray
Dogs allowed

Best Dressed Player
A landslide vote for Bruce Morton when he invoked contemporary Mod style at Summerboard.

Contribution to SCL Culture
Title goes to Paul Shep for his artwork and effort in producing beautiful SCL banners, flags and pennants. Honourable mentions to the blog and the bespoke mixes by Stephen  SMC mixes
Salute also to Jim for his chemistry.

Most Messy Meet
That night in Cathcart when Paul M, Jas and Bruce went to ------ flat and boarded with beer, wine, assorted cider, pizza from Iceland and, latterly, DMT.

Blessings to all the players and organisers for all the meets and for the great shots and the laughable ones and the flukes and the fouls. 

 

Tinker Tailor Carrom Spy

 

We have a mole. It seems the Circus is compromised.

The recent disruptions to the SCL Linen Thursday meets have been attributed to everything from Europa League football, Carrooka, family commitments and carrom fatigue. How convenient.

Chaps, the Circus is under the gaze of powers who would see us wither. To all but the dim there is evidence of foreign intervention in the SCL. Boards have seen recent attendees include a Czech; a Portuguese; at least two Indians, a English and a Canadian who posed as a representative of Comic Con.

In the summer, a bystander at Linen (citing curiousity) sat, boarded, identified himself as a musician of Welsh extract yet declined to give us a tune. It was then, you will recall, that Percy proposed a pogrom. Lionel poo-pood the idea and (with the backing of Control and the then Foreign Secetary) no action was taken. The reasons.remain opaque.

Our chap John McManus narrowly escaped with his life after being ambushed in Cairo by men wielding coconuts and a shuttlecock. And SCL sorcerer Stu Thomson only managed to fox the police of Prague with a self-induced coma and then turning himself into a lampshade.

Aleksander Mozorov of the Queens Park Chess Club says he can name the mole in return for safe passage and a flat in Cathcart.

SCL and The Board Brigade

 

The SCL League Management Committee remains at loggerheads with The Board Brigade about the display of pro-Palestine banners and flags at boards. The SCL has aleady been fined £24 after the recent meet when the Board Brigade set off vapes, rushed the mezzanine, unfurled an anti-monarchist flag and sang 99 Red Balloons.

LMC grandeees James Young and Bruce Morton (of the so-called "blazers") have called for restraint and dialogue.

Facing a ban from the mezz, The Board Brigade remains defiant and, via social media, has called for a day of action. Brigade Commander Paul McCole and his brother Stephen ("The Actor") have described the LMC as Zionist and evidenced that the menu at the Carrom stadium Linen 1906 does not include pork.

Firebrand carromer John McManus had his two strikers seized in a dawn raid by Police Scotland last Monday. His main striker, which is emblazoned with a caricature of Yasser Arafat, was deemed a hate-crime and his back-up cited as an accessory. This blog says Free the McManus Two.

When the Day of Action will happen remains unclear, but the Board Brigade promises a robust protest which, they say, will include a bespoke Tifo designed by Paul McCole's partner - the shadowy Lulu ("Lady MacBeth") Brown  - and a 24 hour mass hula-hoop demonstration at the junction outside the venue. The Board Brigade suggests that all the hula-hoopers bring bottled water and snacks in anticipation that they may get kettled.

I reached out to Kama: the God of carrom and He who built the Karmatron on the third day. After a day and night of prayer to Him, a pigeon arrived on my window ledge, bearing a piece of paper on it's beak. Gently, I took the paper from the beak and read the message within. Profound, pragmatic and citing the words of George Harrison, ihe note simply read All Things Must Pass.  

Oro se do bheatha bhaile Sinead

 

Big Dianne and the Plus Size Badminton

 

Salam alaykum

All hail Big Dianne and her bravuro second place in the Plus Size badminton tournament in Shawbridge this weekend. In a thrilling final against tournament favourite, Heavy Heather (current Cathcart state champion), our lass D gave every ounce of her perspiration in a display of old-school glow badminton style and determination and wheezing.

Congratulations to the third and fourth placed competitors Big Janice and Fiona the Flump.

Said Big D: "I was blootered when I got onto the court and starving by the time we'd finished. Much respect to Heather who took me and Janice and Fiona to an artisan chip shop after the competition. Then we ordered a taxi to take us all back up the road but there wasn't enough room in the vehicle so Fiona ended up walking."

Suffragettes and International Carrom Day

 

Sally Jones 2nd from right

As WW1 was raging across Europe, a band of women took to the streets of Great Britain to demand emancipation and a place at carrom boards. Sally Jones is credited as the leader of this movement. Born of humble milliners, Jones grew up in Bristol in the George V era and was the first female seaborne dentist to have been acknowledged by the Admiralty.

At age 26, Jones made port at Gujarat, India where she became fascinated by the traditional game of carrom. Her husband, Sir Neville of Stank, was a lawyer and a noted billiards player, oft mentioned at the counting houses and lanyards of London. The sport of carrom was new and novel in Great Britain, favoured by the gentry but, however, a male-dominated hobby and.played in awkward style which belied the finesse of Indians,

On her return to Britain in 1912, war had broken out, women still did not have the vote and nobody with a vagina was allowed to play carrom.This, despite that Queen Victoria herself had owned a board and a bespoke striker made of ivory from the tusk of her favourite Indian elephant. (Trunky).

It was not until the Equal Franchise Act of 1928 that women over 21 were able to vote and women finally achieved the same voting rights as men. This act increased the number of women eligible to vote to 15 million. Still, it took forty more years before females were granted equal access to carrom boards. 

Jane Fonda (still a divisive firgure) is noted as a critic of The Vietnam War and, too, as a proponent of gender-loose sets. Her hit single of 1970, "Call me Moira", became a rallying call to carrom women across the world.  

Friday 3rd November marks International Carrom Day, when players, enthusiasts and Beards come together for a festival of board-based fun at the Pierce Insitute in Govan. This year, guest speakers include Sir Keir Starmer, Andrei Bukachenko, Megan Thee Stallion, John McManus and Fatima Uygun. Music from The Young Fathers and Creeping Palsy. Spoken word from Jim Monaghan and Her With The Purple Hair.

And as tribute to Sally Jones, our sister and pioneer, on what would have been her 120th birthday, International Carrom Day this year features the Govanhill Chorus and the Battlefield Barber Shop in a rendition of Freedom Come All Ye.

 

 

Mezz hiatus

 

Salam alaykum

The entire SCL crew has lately been diagnosed with mezz hiatus, meaning a temporary halt to the Thursday games at Linen. In an echo of the Carromavirus of 2020, mezz hiatus has forced players to seek alternative distractions. When Scottish interest in the Europa League evaporates - which may be not too far away -  normal SCL Thursday games will resume. 

In this pause, the blog has reached out to some of the crew to ask how they are dealing with absent carrom Thursdays.

Paul McCole: It is a total shame, man. Aye, naw, definintely. I've just been chilling and learning the bassoon. It calms my snake.

John McManus: Ho Chi Min stated that patience and will are weapons. I'm working on a paper about the differences between a 13amp and a 5amp fuse. Thus far, it looks like it is 8amps.

Bruce Morton: I've been building a composite image where Paul McCole's face is on Adele's body. The inspiration for this came from something Paul muttered.

James Young: I've invented a parlour game where folk have to guess the next manager of the Rangers and, for bonus points, guess how long that person will have the job. The winner gets a polythene sash.

Stu Thomson: Been finessing a magic trick where Thursdays vanish and reappear as Mondays. I'm almost there but I keep getting the Thursdays showing up as half-four on a Sunday.

Stephen McCole: Just been meditating and then when I get out from under my self-inflicted coma, putting a mix together, j'know what I mean? Main thing is - keep the funk alive.

Fraser J: Homers, mainly massaging female ballet dancers.

Jim Muir: Working on a screenplay about a vampire who eats stand-up comics and vomits them into a canal in Manchester.

Paul Shep: Artwork, southside prostitutes and a bit of cottaging. Also, mushrooms.

Harry: Millinery

The Southside Carrom League is untrammeled. 

We may pause, but we never stop.

Scholars

Here, we examine the noted scholars of ancient times who influenced the sport we now know as carrom.

Aryabhata

Big Ary was an Indian mathematician circa 900AD who is credited with inventing geometry - without which rebounds would not be possible. His influence can be seen to this day even on the unholy tables of pool and snooker. Born of humble shoemakers, Ary spent his formative years formatting himself before taking the shape of a mountain goat and scaling the cliffs of mystery.

 

 

St Joseph of Nantes

Recorded in The Book of Saints as being the founder of what we now know of as rules, Joseph's doctrines included "he who breaks is on the whites", "2 v 2 games must rotate in a clockwise form" and "courtesy is next to Godliness." Guidelines which remain to this day.

Matthew

The son of humble people who made shoes, Matthew rose to become a student at Notre Dame in 1732 and by the age of 20 had published pamphlets about birchwood, beech, boric acid and esoteric powders from the east. It is reported that he made pilgrimage to India where he met Baba Ghandu and the Bombay Tribe and sat at a carrom board for the first time. On his return to France, he wrote the first documented chronicle of this mysterious game. "Le conseil d'administration de majesté" (the board of majesty) became the most widely read pamphlet of the Napoleonic era.

Lord Fortrose of Scotland

Still a divise figure, Fortrose examined the optimal sizes of boards and pronounced in 1851 that a 74cm x 74cm playing surface be adjudged as proper.  Denounced by bishops and by folk in Pakistan who (to this day) favour a gigantic board, Fortrose retreated to his lodge in Elgin where he spent his latter days working on dimensions. His influence on board size remains unchallenged by westerners, yet still, mocked by Pakistani players. Knowing his days left were few, Fortrose set out to India to follow the footsteps of Matthew and was killed by a monkey.

Cyberpunk Paul McCole

 

Is Paul McCole augmented?

Questions hover in the carrom community about the provenance of the skills of RBO* Paul McCole. 

Some mutter that he is from the Matrix. (His IMDB says he is from Castlemilk). Carrom theologians suggest that he lights votive candles in the hours before a board. Paul-watchers and devotees of cyberpunk moot that he is augmented. That is, he has had bionic implants to his eyes, his right index finger and his demeanour to provide advantages at the board. 

Paul is tight-lipped about these suggestions. However, the rumours continued when he refused a League Management Committee demand that his striker take a polygraph test and in that same week  - as if to flaunt his skills - went downstairs from the Linen mezzanine, ordered a pint and rather than climb back up the stairs simply floated vertically back up to the mezz. 

Adding to this, McCole's missus Lou was lately videod sliding into an abandoned phone box, dialling a number and was within seconds seen on CCTV appearing outside the Asda in Toryglen.

All I'm asking for is a level playing field. 

 

*RBO Registered Board Owner.

Joseph MacNamara

 

Joe Mac

Sunday 17th of September marks the 10th anniversary of the passing of Joseph MacNamara, father of Irish carrom and the man who single-handedly brought craic to the boards. 

Born in Belfast to humble shoemakers, Joe spent his formative years putting segs on brogues before leaving his native land for two years in Mumbai and then going back up the road. 

It was in Mumbai that Joe discovered carrom and became known among the players there as The Irishman. 

Oft seen at the side of a board there, observing and learning, occasionally weilding a bodhran, Joe became a fixture in the Mumbai carrom sub-culture. And proved himself a player. His finger skills on the penny-whistle lent him a deftness and confidence at the board which led some Indian players to give up the game and try golf.

On his return to Ireland in 1978, he was arrested by the RUC and charged with sedition, treason, Papism and murals. Joe spent a year in Long Kesh before being freed by the tireless work of Emma Thompson. On release, he devoted himself to carrom and segs. Throughout the 80's and 90's, Joe MacNamara travelled to the four corners of Eire, bringing the word of the board to the hopeless and demented. 

Irish travellers began building boards out of plywood, tin, jam and dogs. Soon, though, in a twisted turn, there would be a culture of carrom "call-out" videos online where mental people challenged other mentalists to a board whilst wearing balaclavas and being barely intelligible..

Still, in 2012, Joe was invited to the Vatican. For a set. 

He humped the Pope 25-4 after four boards.

And on this anniversary of his passing, tributes have poured in:

Bono "That man could rebound"

Dara O'Brian "I was there at that game against the Pope. Yer man was unflappable" 

Liam Neeson "Legend, Sorely missed."

Paul McCole "If it wisny for Joe, I'd probably never got intae carrom. Aye, naw, definitely."

Big Dianne - my wedding joy

 

Big Dianne and wee Tony have announced their wedding. 

Readers of this blog may recall that Dianne and Tony got off with each other in The Allison Arms in vivid sight of the regulars, the bar staff and Tony's wife Natalie. Following a quickie divorce, Natalie regrouped, got her hair done and went on secure a job at Optical Express.

Big Dianne spoke to the blog. "The mad days are behind me noo. Flashing my tits in the Rum Shack and Brodies and Kebabish Grill and all that. This wee guy is the real deal. I am made up."

Wee Tony, who made it to the semi-final in Strictly Come Carroming last year and is a popular figure on the southside when he shows up with the bodhran, paid tribute to his wife-to-be. "She has turned my life around. The age thing doesn't bother me. Nor the difference in height and BMI. She is intae her tunes. Plus, she is a belter."

The wedding will be held at St Ninian's church in Pollokshields, officiated by celebrant Paul McCole.  A private reception will take place in Heraghty and then, via a fleet of rickshaws, go up the road to Linen 1906 which has a late licence.

The blog reached out to The Elders.
.
Stephen McCole "I canny see her changin' her ways. J'know whit I mean?"

James Young (manager at Linen 1906) "We've hired a red rug to put outside the door."

Bruce Morton "I'm still getting texts from her."

Stu Thomson (conjurer) "I can do a thing that makes Tony's head look like a coconut."

John McManus : "Marriage is a bourgeois construction."

Jim Muir "I'm still getting texts from her."

Youtube has some background about Big Dianne in the form of two ballads.

Big Dianne part one

Big Dianne part two 

 

The nature of mistakes

 

Salam alaykum

The Southside Carrom League is accustomed to mistakes. A badly aligned atttempt; failing a thumb-shot reverse from 2cm distance; getting so high and chatty that you can't remember who it is to go next; forgetting what colour you are on and potting one of your opponent's pieces, wearing tweed after dark - the list goes on.

Were it not for mistakes, though, triumph would be hollow. Who among us has not had a serotonin kick when the opponent dumped his/her striker into a pocket? Who among us has not felt gloom when making such a mistake? Not one. So, we share the misery of mistakes and a smile at the dismay of our opponents. Mistakes bind us.

How do we recognise a mistake? Here, a handy guide to common Carrom screw-ups.

Displays of smug behaviour.

Techno or rock as background music.

Opponent was so into their next shot that they forgot that you had just fouled and should have had one of your pieces placed back on the board. ICF rules state that it is not incumbent of the fouler to notify the foulee.

Turning up in the first place.

Over-thinking.

Putting ketchup on Cajun Fries.

Commentating. 

Using more than two fingers to investigate a pocket.

Going for the Queen when you have no chance of a cover.

 

All hail mistakes. Without them our sport would be humdrum.

 

 

 

 

Palace of Carrom Excellence

 

 

Salam alaykum

OG Jim has proposed an idea for a Palace of Carrom Excellence. His plan involves illegality but could work. Essentially, it involves squatting and setting up a carrom dojo in a vacant industrial unit in Partick just up the road from where he resides. He has provided no detail of who would run this dojo nor how mosaics and maintenance would be financed.

His inspirations for the idea include the mumbais who built the Maharashtra Carrom Association; The Renaissance, Sir Christopher Wren and his vision for St Paul's Cathedral and the architects and engineers who created the temple atop Wu Dan mountain.

The Blog reached out to The Elders.

SMC "I'm not relocating to an abandoned shed in Partick"

Jas Y "This can jog the fk on"

Bruce "Nope"

Paul McCole "Southside Carrom League - the clue is in the name."

John McManus "It'd be like 1948 at the creation of the state of Israel."

Despite the doubts of The Elders, Jim will, of course, be given platform at the SCL Cathcart Conference in September. Whether his proposal will sway members, delegates and, crucially, the RBOs (Registered Board Owners) is uncertain.

SCL Cathcart Conference - motions tabled

 

Vote for additional Elder
The Elders group may be increased from five to six, to represent diversity. Paul Shep has thrown his hat into the ring.

 

 

 

 

Green Energy
SMC's green board has proven to be a success, exhibiting glide and rebound 8% up on the norm. For an outlay of approx £120 for that board, Conference is asked to vote positively for affordable social boarding.

Stop The Boats
Two canoes drifted up the River Cart and banked close to Linen 1906.  Folk disembarked and hurried to the venue, strikers wet and eyes mental. While this was not an issue on that evening for the SCL or the Linen staff, the question rises: how many canoes can land at High Shawlands before it is too many canoes?

Fringe events at Conference
Viva Cuba, Strikers carried in resin cases represent bourgeois individulism, Women For Carrom, Just Stop Carrooka.

Summerboard 2023 review

 

 

They sing songs around campfires. Of Summerboard 2023. 

In a twelve hours marathon of conviviality at The Cabin, the SCL proved itself once again the standard-bearer of Scottish carrom.  

The Wood
The featured boards at the event were SMC's vintage wood (running nice after its recent silicone spray maintenance) and his Green Board and Paul McCole's A-R. Right out the gate, the Elders were purring. James brought the Carrooka Board too.

The Tarp
SMC had sorted out a huge blue tarp to protect the boards and players from the forecasted rain and lightning. Much respect to OG SMC who is now, officially, the SCL Health and Safety Officer. The Tarp worked a treat. Thank you OG SMC SCL HSO. Thanks also to OG Jim Muir who was unable to attend, but had beseeched Kama for halfway decent weather for the crew: his prayers and praises were heeded.

The Gear
Good clothes sported by the attendees. Excellent hats. SMC glided around the event in a light cotton mustard top which brought admiring glances from Bruce who himself had brought a contemporary Mod look to the mood. Paul McCole went bold in a daring combination of dark blue Adidas top and brown cords. Harry styled a dandy shirt. And, gosh - when James unzipped his tracky top to reveal his T-shirt emblazoned "Big Dianne" - well.. RIP Coco Chanel and Vivienne Westwood - we've got this from here on in.

The Singles Champion
SMC took the trophy. He'll tell you himself. When James plotted the match-ups and we saw that SMC (quoted at 3/1) was paired against tourney favourite Paul McCole in the first round, the whole crew sat up like meercats. Board-side seats were like gold dust. Paul kinda smirked when that match-up was announced. Well, the rest is history. All hail SB23 Singles Champion Stephen MCole.

SMC also triumphed in the Doubles Tourney but, to be honest, I was mangled by that point and can't remember who his partner was but I think it was Tommy.

The Sounds
Impeccable from noon to tea-time to night. SMC, after many gold mixes, nudged James to get on the kit in the evening. Groove continued. Thanks, both lads.

The Bonus Points
John and Harry and Tommy showed up bringing additional friendly vibes and good board style. Flagboy Paul's flags and banners festooned the arena. Good grub was provided by host SMC. James organised very cool trophies. And when **** * ended up totally fkd (having even asked the DJs if they "do requests"), he got looked after and cared for by the fellas. Gently persuaded to a sofa indoors, our man fell sound asleep and was resurrected in the morning with coffee and a bacon roll.

SCL

's how we do.

 

Best night out

 

 Salam Alaykum

 22 June at Linen.

Top class meet. The regulars, the curious and the hopeless sat, played and chatted demented stuff about DMT trips and women and the price of car insurance these days. Excellent friendly vibes from all involved. Good tunes too.

James Young expertly guided the play schedules which saw many fall to humble gutters while Paul McCole and Bruce Morton battered their way through the rounds to a thrilling finale which went right to the wire until the wee man stroked two exquisite deciding shots which saw him take the June trophy, roam around the venue talking to people he didn't know and then stagger down the road with memories which can hardly be counted in numbers nor chronicles.

The much anticipated match-up between McCole and Jim Muir was akin to a flat-tyre rolling into your kitchen and flopping to a stop when it bumped against your cat. McCole won. Posted an eight and a seven. And took the trophy. What scheduler James Young had described as The Group of Death turned out be The Group of Dismal Pish. Jim, to his credit, was sanguine.

T***** the Ukrainian  - who served years in the military as a sniper - has shown that he is probably better with a rifle than a striker. Fraser J is a dark horse. Given his day job as a masseur for dancers in Scottish Ballet there is little doubt that the man has hand and finger skills. And he bought a handsome board at the turn of this year. Given all that and his recent style, Jasbet puts Fraser as Evens to take the next Linen trophy.

Bonus at the meet was when OG Yati Mayor showed up, sporting a dandy shirt and exhibiting decent board style and his famous conviviality.  Also, wee Gillian showed up  - showing off her man Stu's sunburned face that led some to mutter that he has been volunteering in the still ongoing clean-up at Chernobyl.

At the end of the night, beaten finalist Bruce cautiously accepted Jim's invite to ride on the back seat of his electric bike to go doon the road. It was, said Bruce later, "thrilling and terrifying."

All in all, a fkn great meet. Good hearted disputes about rules, loud shouts about drops or misses, the board ambience high. Much love to y'all.

Pakistani Streetfood on Victoria Road is happy to stick a SCL poster in the shop. Kamrin who runs the joint is a connoisseur (albeit of the Pakistan version of the game), a super cool gent and content to have our signal displayed.

Respect, as ever, to James Y and Paul M for keeping the flag flying.